Greetings, fellow Earthicans! Are you ready for a journey to the far, far future? A time when robots, aliens, and mutants roam the streets and the fate of the universe hangs in the balance? Well, buckle up and get ready for a ride because we're taking a trip to the world of Futurama, where the laughs are plentiful, and the quotes are out of this world.
So sit back, grab a can of Slurm, and prepare to be transported to a world of intergalactic hijinks and hilarity. We've scoured the depths of the universe (well, maybe just the internet) to bring you the 50 best Futurama quotes of all time. Whether you're a die-hard fan or a newcomer to the series, these quotes are sure to tickle your funny bone and leave you quoting them for days to come.
78 Freakishly Funny "Futurama" Quotes
From the iconic catchphrases of Fry, Bender, and Professor Farnsworth to the hilarious one-liners of Zapp Brannigan and Dr. Zoidberg, this beloved show has no shortage of memorable moments, including the following quotes.
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"Good news, everyone!" — Professor Farnsworth.
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"Shut up and take my money!" — Fry.
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"Bite my shiny metal a**!" — Bender.
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"I'm 40% _____!" — Bender (fill in the blank with any substance — it works, trust us).
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"I'm back, baby!" — Zap Brannigan.
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"Sweet zombie Jesus!" — Professor Farnsworth.
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"I don't want to live on this planet anymore." — Professor Farnsworth.
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"Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?" — Bender.
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"I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas." — Leela.
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"We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera." — Dr. Zoidberg.
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"You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go." — Fry.
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"I'm a thing!" — Dr. Zoidberg.
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"You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more, and cover your ears and go 'blah blah blah blah blah blah!'" — Fry.
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"This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!" — Bender.
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"My story is a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots." — Bender.
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"I'm not programmed for love, but I am programmed to sing." — Calculon.
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"This is the happiest moment of my life." — Kif.
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"I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!" — Professor Farnsworth.
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"I'm not a miracle worker. I'm a janitor." — Scruffy.
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"I'm gonna build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! You know what- forget the park!" — Bender.
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"You know, I was God once." — Bender.
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"I'm not a one-woman man, for long." — Zapp Brannigan.
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"And then the murders began." — Narrator (the opening line of "A Tale of Two Santas").
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"I'll be whatever I wanna do!" — Fry.
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"I'm sorry, Fry, but you're facing a sentence of 1,000 years hard labor." — Judge Whitey.
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"I'm back! And with a full tank of gas, and a questionable cache of firearms." — Bender.
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"I am the greetest! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!" — Morbo.
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"In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms." — Zapp Brannigan.
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"I'm not saying it's aliens, but it's aliens." — Professor Farnsworth.
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"I'm afraid we'll need to perform a brain transplant, and I don't have the patience to explain it." — Dr. Zoidberg.
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"You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!" — Bender.
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"I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me." — Zapp Brannigan.
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"I don't like the looks of those teenagers, and I'm gonna follow my instincts, even if it means I'm wrong." — Hermes Conrad.
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"I'm not a hero, I'm a delivery boy." — Fry.
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"When push comes to shove, you gotta do what you love, even if it's not a good idea." — Fry.
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"I don't want to be a delivery boy. I want to be a delivery man!" — Fry.
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"Oh, all I wanted was a single extra life, and I had to waste my one on a pogo stick." — Fry.
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"That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!" — Fry.
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"Why can't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?" — Fry.
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"I'll never forget him... but I'll try." — Bender.
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"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?" — Zapp Brannigan.
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"In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces." — Zapp Brannigan.
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"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?" — Fry.
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"You're not Santa! You're just a robot like me!" — Bender.
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"I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all." — Professor Farnsworth.
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"All I know is my gut says maybe." — Dr. Zoidberg.
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"I can't swallow that. I was born a Leela, and I'll die a Leela." — Leela.
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"I'm not a hero. I'm a scientist." — Professor Farnsworth.
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"My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless." — Dr. Zoidberg.
- "Tell my wife... hello." — Zoidberg
- "Leela! That's the guy! That's the guy who didn't tip me!" — Bender
- "You win again, gravity." — Fry
- "Freedom? That's for humans!" — Robot Devil
- "My only regret... is that I have... boneitis." — 1980s Guy
- "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised." — Zapp Brannigan
- "If I could just feel... human emotion!" — Bender
- "It's not a warning light. It's a disco light." — Bender
- "With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!" — Professor Farnsworth (as a head)
- "There’s nothing wrong with anything. Except that rat in the kitchen." — Fry
- "You’re watching Futurama on the Hypno-Toad Network. All glory to the Hypno-Toad." — Narrator
- "I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead." — Bender
- "Now, now. There’s plenty of misery to go around." — Hermes Conrad
- "A lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa!" — Leela
- "Y'know, I was having the most wonderful dream... except you were there, and you were there, and you were there." — Fry
- "Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The 'x' makes it sound cool." — Bender
- "The laws of science be a harsh mistress." — Bender
- "I have no strong feelings one way or the other." — Neutral Leader
- "Fry, it’s been years since medical school, so remind me: disemboweling in your species — fatal or non-fatal?" — Zoidberg
- "I'm Santa Claus! Of course I know when you're sleeping!" — Robot Santa
- "Time makes fools of us all." — Professor Farnsworth
- "Bender is great! Oh Bender, you're so funny! Woo woo woo!" — Bender (imitating everyone else)
- "I’ve got ants in my butt, and I needs to dance!" — Scruffy
- "This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened." — Leela
- "Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever." — Professor Farnsworth
- "Just once I’d like someone to call me ‘Sir’ without adding ‘You’re making a scene.’" — Bender
- "I’ve got your scent, meatbag." — Bender
- "If it weren’t for the big metal ass, you’d be okay." — Leela (to Bender)
- "I’m gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it." — Bender (yep, that’s real)
Robots, Aliens, & Spaceships, Oh My!
From sarcasm to nonsensical ramblings, "Futurama" is one of those TV shows that can make you laugh, cry, and feel a bit baffled. While it's impossible to choose just one "best" quote, we can all agree that the show has left an indelible mark on pop culture and will continue to do so for years to come.
If you are a pop culture aficionado, why not check out our list of the 50 Best Anime Quotes (From Movies & TV!) and test your knowledge with our quiz, Can You Name These Quickly Cancelled TV Shows?
